they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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