I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
