btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
two words: eviction party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
