I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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