the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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