I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
