There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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