**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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