Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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