Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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