I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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