i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
