why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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