There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
