she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
