2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
