"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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