Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize