I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Randomize
