Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
