so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
