before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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