Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize