If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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