where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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