Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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