Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize