You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize