I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
