Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
