Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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