I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
