Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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