she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
