Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
