that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
