Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
