Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
