"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
