i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
