honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
