I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
