he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
