O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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