every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
