he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
