It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
