You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Naked Twister starts at high noon
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
