wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
