Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
