My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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