Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
