I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize