You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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