Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
