we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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