Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize