Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
