8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He better not be in your backpack
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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