You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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