The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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