Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
