i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
