All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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