Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She needs sedatives and a leash
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
