so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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