he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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