My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
