Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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